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My mom loved Valium and lots of drugs
That's why I am like I am 'cause I'm like her
Because my mom loved Valium and lots of drugs
That's why I'm on what I'm on 'cause I'm my mom
My mom, my mom, I know you're probably tired
Of hearin' 'bout my mom, oh-ho, whoa-ho
But this is just a story of when I was just a shorty
And how I became hooked on Va-aliu-um
Valium was in everything, food that I ate
The water that I drank, fuckin' peas in my plate
She sprinkled just enough of it to season my steak
So every day I'd have at least three stomachaches
Now tell me, what kind of mother would want to see her
Son grow up to be an undera-fuckin'-chiever?
My teacher didn't think I was gonna be nothin' either
"What the fuck you stickin' gum up under the fuckin' seat for?"
"Mrs. Mathers, your son has been huffin' ether"
"Either that or the motherfucker's been puffin' reefer"
But all this huffin' and puffin' wasn't what it was either
It was neither, I was buzzin' but it wasn't what she thought
Pee in a teacup? Bitch, you ain't my keeper, I'm sleepin'
What the fuck you keep on fuckin' with me for?
Slut, you need to leave me the fuck alone, I ain't playin'
Go find you a white crayon and color a fuckin' zebra
My mom loved Valium and lots of drugs
That's why I am like I am 'cause I'm like her
Because my mom loved Valium and lots of drugs
That's why I'm on what I'm on 'cause I'm my mom
Wait a minute, this ain't dinner, this is paint thinner
You ate it yesterday, I ain't hear no complaints, did I?
Now here's a plate full of painkillers, now just wait
'Til I crush the Valium and put it in your potatoes
You little motherfucker, I'll make you sit there
And make that retarded fuckin' face without even tastin' it
You better lick the fuckin' plate, you ain't wastin' it
Put your face in it 'fore I throw you in the basement again
And I ain't givin' in, you're gonna just sit there
In one fuckin' place, finnickin' 'til next Thanksgiving
And if you still ain't finished it, I'll use the same shit again
Then when I make spinach dip it'll be placed in the shit
You little shit, wanna sit there and play innocent?
A rack fell and hit me in K-Mart and they witnessed it
Child support, your father, he ain't sent the shit
And so what if he did? It's none of your dang business, kid
My mom
There's no one else quite like my mom
I know I should let bygones be bygones
But she's the reason why I am high on what I'm high on
'Cause my mom loved Valium and lots of drugs
That's why I am like I am 'cause I'm like her
Because my mom loved Valium and lots of drugs
That's why I'm on what I'm on 'cause I'm my mom
My mom loved Valium, now all I am
Is a party animal, I am what I am
But I'm strong to the finish with me Valium spinach
But my buzz only lasts about two minutes
But I don't wanna swallow it without chewin' it
I can't even write a rhyme without you in it
My Valium, my Vaaaaaa-liummmm, oh
Man, I never thought that I could ever be
A drug addict, nah, fuck that, I can't have it happen to me
But that's actually what has ended up happenin'
A tragedy, the fuckin' past ended up catchin' me
And it's probably where I got acquainted with the taste, ain't it?
Pharmaceuticals are the bomb, Mom, beautiful
She killed the fuckin' dog with the medicine she done fed it
Feed it a fuckin' aspirin and say that it has a headache
"Here, want a snack? You hungry, you fuckin' brat?"
"Look at that, it's a Xanax, take it and take a nap, eat it"
But I don't need it, "Well fuck it then, break it up"
"Take a little piece and beat it before you wake Nathan up"
Alright Ma, you win, I don't feel like arguin'
I'll do it, pop it, gobble it and start wobblin'
Stumble, hobble, tumble, slip, trip, then I fall in bed
With a bottle of meds and a Heath Ledger bobblehead
My mom loved Valium and lots of drugs
That's why I am like I am 'cause I'm like her
Because my mom loved Valium and lots of drugs
That's why I'm on what I'm on 'cause I'm my mom